I’ve been rolling the idea of a series around in my mouth for a while now – seeing how it tastes, seeing if it sticks. I have an urge to create an ongoing series called Falling In Love With… which will showcase photographers and filmmakers that I really admire, as well as a few other creatives and visionaries that I become obsessed with. I find it pretty daunting writing about people I adore, often so put off by the magnitude of the task that I think it’s better not to do it at all than to do it badly – the joys of being a perfectionist. I become obsessive about things I love; whether it’s a photographer, a band, a film, an actor, whatever, I want to savour every detail, every nuance about them. I become hungry for information, I watch every interview I can find, look for every early photograph they’ve taken, watch their entire filmography, searching for secrets in their eyes. I regurgitate stories to bored ears of people who couldn’t care less, stupid slithers of a person’s life that only people on my level of obsession would find interesting. That being said, there is always that moment of pure euphoria when you meet someone who replicates your eagerness for “trivia” and those moments are definitely worth the hours of uninterested glances thrown in your direction.
So, to write about someone or something that I’ve immersed myself so fully in, to give them the right kind of attention, say the right kind of words that will make someone else love them as much as I do, seems overwhelming. How do I grasp your attention about my favourite photographer so they become your favourite too and not just another blog post that you click on, start reading, get bored, shut the tab and forget forever? Of course, this sounds like I think my opinion is superior to everyone else’s, I don’t at all, it’s just, when I’m so in awe of someone I find it hard to understand why everyone else isn’t in awe of them too, and I’d hate to be the person that didn’t shine them under exactly the right light so they didn’t glow as brightly as they should.
Writing is, for me, a double-edged sword – one side is iridescent, glistening with ideas and endless possibilities, the other is too sharp, that cuts too easily. There are times when writing can feel intimidating because there are too many possibilities and I’m always slightly terrified of not picking the right combination of words to say – I know, it sounds ridiculous, but I’m sure other overthinkers will understand. The problem is, if I’m always scared of choosing the wrong words, I’ll never write anything, and that’s no way to live. So, it’s time to say ‘fuck it’ and drop-kick The Fear over the edge. Yes, I might choose the wrong words, but a person’s creative work will always speak for itself, and it isn’t like my microscopic, momentary glint of exposure will impact the size of their already enormous following anyway. So I hope you come to love the people that I love, and I hope I can somehow manage to tame paragraphs of gushing admiration into some kind of coherent-ness.